Funny Couple Quotes (Funny Quotes for Your Husband & Wife)

Funny Couple Quotes is our latest collection of funny quotes that couples can use to tickle each other’s fancy. With the funny quotes for couples listed below, husband or wife will be able to spice up their marriage once more.

funny couple quotes
funny couple quotes

Funny Couple Quotes In English

1). Love is blind—marriage is the eye-opener.

2). My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.

3). I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

4). Love is telling your wife that her hair extensions are showing.

5). My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

6). Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

7). Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.

8). My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

9). I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

10). Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.

11). Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.

12). My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor.

13). An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

14). There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

15). People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

16). Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

17). Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.

18). Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.

19). I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”

20). If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.

21). All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.

22).  Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.

23). Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

24). So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea.

25). My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.”

26). In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.

27). I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.

28). I was like, Am I gay? Am I straight? And I realized … I’m just slutty. Where’s my parade?

29). My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.

30). Can officially confirm that the way to a man’s heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex, or alluringness of character, but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him.

31). Women love a self-confident bald man.

32). I love all mythical creatures… vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

33). I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.

34). Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

35). Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

36). Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.

37). I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

38). Ever looked at your ex and wondered… was I drunk the entire

39). Love means knowing what really matters

40). Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!

41). When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

42). A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.

43). That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else.

44). A person who always disturbs you is a person who loves you.

45). I love my job only when I’m on vacation.

46). Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe.

47). Your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night.

48). Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!

49). I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

50). A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.

51). Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

52). Before marriage always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.

53). Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

54). I told my wife I will love her forever and she was happy. I just wish she knows I was lying because I can’t live forever.

55). You wanna know who I’m in love with? Read the first word again.

56).When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you’re holding is a half eaten sandwich.

57). Hubands want the same thing from their underwear that they want from their wives; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.

58). Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

59). Give me your photo so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.

60). I’m married but the only thing I love right now is my Wi-Fi. Because we have a connection.

61). I love you forever… but I can’t live that long.

62). When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.


Conclusion On Funny Couple Quotes

Do we hope you enjoyed our collection of our Funny Couple Quotes? If you have any interesting funny quotes that you want to add to the list, please don’t hesitate to use the comment section for that purpose.

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